They Raised Him, Now It Was My Turn
Over a year ago I was reading a parent blog that I frequent called EmpoweringParents.com. I decided to click on the link entitled 'Non-Traditional Families.' Well, I had my reasons for checking it out. I stumbled upon a post written by a grandmother called "You Can't Always Send Your Grandchildren Home-Sometimes They Live With You!"
I began to wonder........Is this how my parents felt, but they really never said it? I can think back on those days. With two smart daughters, a year apart, one heading from 11th grade to 12th and the other from 12th to college, things couldn't have been any better. Both with outstanding grades, model students, high achievers, obedient, respectful, all around grand girls, they were looking for some smooth days ahead. But to their surprise, things didn't turn out as they planned.
Yes, it was me! The Senior in the class of 2000. I couldn't tell them because I didn't know how. So I just let them find out on their own, and it wasn't a pretty thing....(not going to get into detail, too personal.) Age 17, dated a few guys like all high school girls do, great student, highly looked upon by friends, classmates, and faculty. I was an outstanding student, just everything you could imagine. Not like your typical rebellious teenager, that wasn't me. A Christian girl, virgin, not interested in doing anything of the sort, but then I met him. Four years older than me, telling me things that caused me to believe that he cared more about me than my parents, and that the "fun" stuff they wouldn't allow me to do had me missing out on life. Well, we all know how that turned out. First try, and pregnant.
One thing I can truly say is that my parents always knew the type of young lady I was. And they tried to tell me over and over he didn't have my best interest, but I didn't want to see it. After trying to digest the fact that I was the girl that I dreaded to be like, I wanted to crawl under a rock. I thought all my hopes and dreams of attending North Carolina A&T State University were done. My grandmother always loved me and my sister. I leaned on her during this time and she encouraged me that I didn't have to give up my dream. She agreed to keep tween while I was in college and she stuck to her word.
Tween was born on my father's birthday because I had a scheduled C-Section. My father was in the operating room with me when tween was born while my mother was near by in the hospital waiting. I believed my father was excited. Tween was his first grandson and they also shared the same birthday. I had only been in college a few weeks before tween was born and with 6 weeks of being on leave from school I knew that when I returned I would have a lot to do. Grandma kept her word. She raised tween during the first 6 months. My mother would try her hardest to get tween during the week, but grandma would cry and she would have to leave tween there. My parents were given temporary guardianship of tween by me while I was in school. Part of me was skeptical of this, but I knew neither me nor his father was capable of raising tween at the time. I knew my parents could provide a stable home for tween, and I wanted to finish school so that I could support tween without any financial assistance. This decision required tween's father giving up his parental rights. He agreed, not without strong words and opinions, but he agreed.
I graduated in 4 years Cum Laude with an undergraduate degree in Electronics and Computer Technology and decided to pursue a masters while I was there. I completed the Masters program in 2006 and started my first real job in Raleigh, NC. I spent years traveling back and forth from Raleigh to Fayetteville to be with tween during the week for special events as well as weekends. I had some challenges. Being away from tween gave me some freedom and a lot of times, I didn't make the best decisions of making tween a priority in my life. I had met a guy back home and was dating him. Sometimes I would come home stop by and see tween then head out on a date. Now that I'm older, I regret those times. I wish I would have spent those moments with tween. I know that tween missed me, and he wanted so much to have my attention and time.I decided to move back to Fayetteville and commute to Raleigh to work. It lasted for about a year. I was tired of commuting so I looked for another job so that I could be permanently with tween.
I stayed with my parents and tween when I moved back but my bad habits of not making tween a priority didn't change. I still hung out, went out, and left the responsibility of tween on my parents. Unfortunately, my grandmother had gotten sick and she had to move in with my parents. I decided to move out and me room with my sister. Tween stayed with my parents for a few months after that, but then I decided that I wanted tween to live with me. I noticed that he had separation anxiety. He had a hard time with the transition, and being with my parents for the past 11 years, he didn't want to leave them or make them feel like he was. I know that my past decisions with tween should have been better and now although I can't change the past, I can create the most meaningful and impactful future in his life.
I truly thank God for the mercy he bestows upon us as mothers. The word says that children are a gift and a reward from the Lord and I truly believe that with my heart. As mothers, we have to learn to accept the fact that we may have failed in areas with our children. We aren't perfect, and many times we will make mistakes, wrong decisions and choices but because God loves us, he provides mercy for us. So mother, embrace his grace and learn how to parent and love your children by and with the grace of God. Because our children are a reward from him above, let's make it a priority to give back to God our precious gifts.
"No empty nesting for us! After twenty-six years of diapers, kindergarten homework, first loves, heartbreaks, loud cars, that were continually breaking down, college tuition, and weddings for our four children, my husband and I were ready for some down time, some alone time, and just plain fun time. That was not to be. Instead, we are raising our 11 year old granddaughter."
I began to wonder........Is this how my parents felt, but they really never said it? I can think back on those days. With two smart daughters, a year apart, one heading from 11th grade to 12th and the other from 12th to college, things couldn't have been any better. Both with outstanding grades, model students, high achievers, obedient, respectful, all around grand girls, they were looking for some smooth days ahead. But to their surprise, things didn't turn out as they planned.
Yes, it was me! The Senior in the class of 2000. I couldn't tell them because I didn't know how. So I just let them find out on their own, and it wasn't a pretty thing....(not going to get into detail, too personal.) Age 17, dated a few guys like all high school girls do, great student, highly looked upon by friends, classmates, and faculty. I was an outstanding student, just everything you could imagine. Not like your typical rebellious teenager, that wasn't me. A Christian girl, virgin, not interested in doing anything of the sort, but then I met him. Four years older than me, telling me things that caused me to believe that he cared more about me than my parents, and that the "fun" stuff they wouldn't allow me to do had me missing out on life. Well, we all know how that turned out. First try, and pregnant.
I graduated in 4 years Cum Laude with an undergraduate degree in Electronics and Computer Technology and decided to pursue a masters while I was there. I completed the Masters program in 2006 and started my first real job in Raleigh, NC. I spent years traveling back and forth from Raleigh to Fayetteville to be with tween during the week for special events as well as weekends. I had some challenges. Being away from tween gave me some freedom and a lot of times, I didn't make the best decisions of making tween a priority in my life. I had met a guy back home and was dating him. Sometimes I would come home stop by and see tween then head out on a date. Now that I'm older, I regret those times. I wish I would have spent those moments with tween. I know that tween missed me, and he wanted so much to have my attention and time.I decided to move back to Fayetteville and commute to Raleigh to work. It lasted for about a year. I was tired of commuting so I looked for another job so that I could be permanently with tween.
I stayed with my parents and tween when I moved back but my bad habits of not making tween a priority didn't change. I still hung out, went out, and left the responsibility of tween on my parents. Unfortunately, my grandmother had gotten sick and she had to move in with my parents. I decided to move out and me room with my sister. Tween stayed with my parents for a few months after that, but then I decided that I wanted tween to live with me. I noticed that he had separation anxiety. He had a hard time with the transition, and being with my parents for the past 11 years, he didn't want to leave them or make them feel like he was. I know that my past decisions with tween should have been better and now although I can't change the past, I can create the most meaningful and impactful future in his life.
I truly thank God for the mercy he bestows upon us as mothers. The word says that children are a gift and a reward from the Lord and I truly believe that with my heart. As mothers, we have to learn to accept the fact that we may have failed in areas with our children. We aren't perfect, and many times we will make mistakes, wrong decisions and choices but because God loves us, he provides mercy for us. So mother, embrace his grace and learn how to parent and love your children by and with the grace of God. Because our children are a reward from him above, let's make it a priority to give back to God our precious gifts.
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